why is this rape-face walrus-like creature a thing?
Because Bokukawauso was created by Warspite's voice actress, and it's been basically adopted into the the game.
Eh?! What the?!
Is this this, a white bird thing?!...A cute otter, isn't it?*fwop**fwip*Hey, wait!
I don't want this a bit!
Take iiit!Waaaiiit!It's not....What IS that?...Too slow!!Like this?*boing*Could I see you jump for just a bit?What is it?Saaaam? I've got a biiit of a request for yoouu.